California Firefighters Massage 2.5 Million Gallons Of Moisturizer Into Forests To Prevent Dryness - The Onion

California Firefighters Massage 2.5 Million Gallons Of Moisturizer Into Forests To Prevent Dryness - The Onion


California Firefighters Massage 2.5 Million Gallons Of Moisturizer Into Forests To Prevent Dryness - The Onion

Posted: 29 Sep 2020 09:30 AM PDT

Illustration for article titled California Firefighters Massage 2.5 Million Gallons Of Moisturizer Into Forests To Prevent Dryness

SANTA ROSA, CA—Reminding the public that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection reportedly massaged 2.5 million gallons of moisturizer into parched state forests Tuesday to break the cycle of dryness that has led to continual flare-ups. "The number one cause of forest fire breakouts is dry brush, which is best treated by saturating the affected area with a lubricating cream designed to lock in moisture," said California Fire Chief Thom Porter as he gently worked three quarts of lavender-scented lotion into the rough, cracked trunk of a 300-foot redwood. "We chose a hypoallergenic, coconut milk-based emulsion that not only replenishes lost chloroplast lipids, but also uses a hyaluronic acid to boost the brushwood's natural moisture production, ensuring our vegetation remains thoroughly hydrated without developing oily bark. We'll be applying the cream in gentle, circular motions from the Bay Area down through the Sierra Nevada region and all the way up to the Oregon border. Then we'll follow with a gentle SPF 30 setting spray to prevent further sun damage to the already crispy leaves." Porter added that while the program is expensive, taxpayers save millions thanks to state prison inmates, who are paid $1 per acre to administer the forests' autumn exfoliation regimen.

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Posted: 29 Sep 2020 10:45 AM PDT

Dermatologist Joshua Zeichner, MD, says that glycerin can be obtained from plant, animal, and chemical sources, so it's important to pay attention to origin if you prefer to avoid animal byproducts. "Animal fats, petroleum, and the oils from soybean, coconut, or palm plants are the most commonly used sources," he says. Dr. King adds that vegetable glycerin, a variant derived from plant oils, is the kind most commonly used in cosmetics. "If you see glycerin in the ingredient list of a topical skin-care product, it is generally derived from plants," she says. "Be sure to check the label to see if it says 'vegan' to be sure."

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